What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
