Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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