I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
