i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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