can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
