I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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