I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
