he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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