I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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