I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
