i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize