Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The uberlube is also flammable
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
