2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
