WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
