accomplished twins. life is a go
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
