I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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