I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
50% drunk capacity currently
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
