I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
