There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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