You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Ketchup is God's man juice
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
