you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
