Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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