i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
