Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
