She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize