the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
