Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
