So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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