When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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