Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
