can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
