Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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