I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
