3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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