Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
