Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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