You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
