Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
