No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
