even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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