Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
50% drunk capacity currently
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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