he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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