You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
