look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
