All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize