dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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