Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I intend to get homeless drunk
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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