with your own penis?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
