Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize