there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
