I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So squirting runs in the family.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
