Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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