Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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