Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
