i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
