i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
God I need to hump something, right now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
