pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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