hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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