How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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