Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
