The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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