she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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