I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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