are you still at the devil's house?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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