Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
