Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
