A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
