very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
