My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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