awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
