Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
